This past Thursday, a candlelight vigil was held in the affluent St. Louis suburb of Town and Country (that’s the name of the municipality. Weird, right?). As many around the world know, the St. Louis region is one in need of healing. These individuals braved the cold weather to add their voices to halt the systematic shooting and killing of…deer.
100 deer to be exact. The city has been dealing with an imbalance of Whitetails resulting in vehicle collisions and an even more sinister problem, the deshrubberization of well-manicured lawns. The emotional impact of seeing your Japanese Barberry nibbled into oblivion simply cannot be calculated.
These residents are opponents of the city’s plan to hire a wildlife management agency to shoot the deer. They prefer surgical sterilization methods, which still only addresses a symptom, not the cause.
People, it’s time we call it like it is. The real issue here are deadbeat deer dads.
Did you know that during the critical fawn and yearling developmental stages, less than one percent of young deer are reared with their father in the picture? This means that over 99% of deer are raised by a single mother, or are sometimes raised in blended families with other single mothers. Did you also know that it’s not uncommon for male deer (bucks as they are sometimes called) to have multiple sexual partners? Worse yet, in the spring and summer, many of these same bucks are hanging out with their other buck buddies, while their young are preyed upon by hungry coyotes. Anyone see where all this is going?
What are we to expect of deer raised without proper role models and boundaries as youngsters? For them to mind their own business by staying out of car grills and backyards?
Hardly.
This problem is generational and has only been exacerbated by an out of control growth curve. It’s 2015 and the only solutions we can muster are to shoot them dead or malfunction their genitals? Allow me to offer a few better alternatives.
In the same way many highway and street departments across the country have designated deer crossing areas, why can’t we designate areas with signage where deer procreation is prohibited? If we made the act legal in only select areas, perhaps there would be less of the rampant breeding we’re currently seeing. You could place signs on trails leading to any cedar thicket or draw where shenanigans are likely to occur, effectively making copulation all but impossible.
Of course, there would be the occasional rule-breaker or soccer field rendezvous, but local law enforcement could be trained to handle these outliers by gaining proximity to the offenders, then sliding their left pointer finger down their right pointer finger at a 45 degree angle; the universal sign for “shame shame.”
PSAs using out of work Hollywood actors could be produced, extolling the importance of mature male deer figures. Imagine the impact a somber Carrot Top or Dustin Diamond could have on male Whitetails intent on spreading their wild oats. The more you know…
While I appreciate the sentiments of these civic minded vigilists, their time would be better spent hanging signs or cobbling together the tens of dollars and Sizzler coupons needed to recruit quality talent. I stand in solidarity with them in spirit, but suggest a more practical, grass roots approach to this ongoing epidemic.
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