Mom cradled Rome’s greying muzzle in her hand as his panting slowed. My fingers splayed and ran through his thick black fur while he lay on the cool tile of the vet’s office floor.  Dad sat next to me, his eyes glassy and red as he watched his dog draw his last breath.

My mind kept hopping into the past to similar scenes when we took our childhood dog Buddy, a Cocker Spaniel in for his last day. Then to 2008 when we said farewell to our Mr. Frodo, the Chocolate Lab that had been the first life Beth and I parented. He developed cancer and died before reaching his sixth birthday. Years later, those memories still sting. I remember what Frodo’s paws smelled like after he came in from the yard, earthy and sweet. How Buddy would lay his head on our butts when we lay down on the living room floor to watch TV.  They were both so dear to me.

I think their loss stings because there’s nothing quite in the world like a good dog. Loyal, protective, obedient, understanding, they’re all the things we want in others but rarely find. In some ways, they’re a better version of us, probably because they can’t talk.

As Mr. Frodo was going under from the sedative, I stayed nose to nose with him; feeling the brush of each breath he drew. Savoring them.  Counting them. Tears fell while I tried to remain composed. I wanted the last thing he heard in this life to mean something, to resolve this season we shared.

With a broken and wavering voice I whispered, “I’m so proud of you buddy.”

Today, as Mom held Rome’s head, her tears fell onto him and the floor. I watched as they gathered on her cheek, reaching a precipice then broke away to fall. C.S. Lewis tackled the question of what happens to dogs when they die. Do they go to heaven? Admittedly a speculation, but  he wondered that if in the same way we share in Christ’s eternal life by our affiliation with Him, perhaps beloved animals share in that promise via association with us.

I don’t know what the arrangement is, though I believe I’ll find out eventually. After today, I am certain of one thing: In this life, the hallmark of any good dog is that they earned the tears of a person.