Shining Through the Pandemic

Fart Creek, Illinois

5/26/20

Children stood anxiously, craning their necks, their eyes fixed eastward down tree-lined Stinkerton Avenue. For every three or four kids, an adult mixed in, attempting to keep the children out of the street and on the curb. Something was coming and the neighborhood sparked with palpable anticipation.

After months of an unprecedented lockdown, when healthy individuals were confined to their homes to avoid the specter of COVID-19, the little town of Fart Creek had decided to take matters into their own hands.  

The Plan

City Manager Gulf Dinklindeaux explained, “We know our people have been through a lot. There’s only so much Netflix and McDonald’s a body can consume. Me and the city council got together in my carport after ‘Wheel’ one evenin’ and came up with a plan. We was gonna give these good folks something to really take their minds off this crisis.”

What the city leaders came up with was a variation on the theme of larger federal and state level COVID diversions. But with a small town budget, The Blue Angels, a B-2 bomber, even a lone firetruck was out of the question.

“We really had to put on our thinkin’ caps for this one. This wasn’t gonna be easy like some eminent domain jibber jabber to get your brother-in-law a corner lot for his payday loan shop. Heck no. It had to be cheap and still capture the minds of our fair townspeople. And I think we accomplished that,” remarked Dinklindeaux.

Wait for It….

What came down the street that warm May afternoon, drawing previously cloistered people into an anxious, curbside throng?

Understated and almost silent, the figure of a lone individual appeared down Stinkerton Avenue walking westbound at a casual gait. Spellbound at the site, adults stood silently while their children muffled squeals of expectation, waiting for the individual to reach them.

It was City Planner Rick Craps carrying a highly polished metal serving spoon.

As Craps made his way down the street, he held the spoon at arm’s length rotating it left and right, catching the afternoon sun and reflecting the light into the faces of residents.

Shouts from each side of the street rang out, all vying for the attention of the Dockers-clad civil servant.

“Me! Me! Over here!”

“Hey, give me some of that!”

“Hit me in the face!”

“My corneas desire this!”

Townspeople lucky enough to receive a full shining stumbled backward, temporarily blinded by the rays. Some who only received a passing glance counted themselves lucky just to have been a part of something larger than themselves.

Nadine Herdfoot was one of those fortunate few to have taken a face full at the hand of Craps. When asked about the festivity, she offered “I just count myself lucky to have been a part of something larger than myself.”

The Sun Sets

As quickly as the spectacle appeared, it drifted off to canvas other neighborhoods in the sleepy town of Fart Creek. Peopled filtered back into their homes with the pandemic far displaced from their minds.  

In the end, city manager Dinklindeaux and his team felt like they accomplished their mission of giving the townspeople hope and excitement.

Dinklindeaux concluded our interview by saying, “So maybe we ain’t got the big budget hype of fighter jets or Jaleel White. Maybe we can’t give our good people the moon…but we did give ‘em the sun. Ooh. That’s good. Make sure you write that in there.”